Just a little at a time...

Well friends, I weighed in today like every Monday and to my surprise, I lost 3.8 pounds. Huge success for me, but still had a little voice in the back of my mind saying "wouldn't it have been nice if this week was the big 5-0?" Not sure I did anything different this week than the other weeks, but I'll take it and run with it. My total now is 49.6 lost; lets not get too excited, I'm still waaaaaayyyy overweight...BUT, I see myself making some lifestyle choices that are growing on me and slowly becoming a part of my daily routine. For one, there is more produce in my house and much less on the processed foods front. I think my family is benefiting from this too. I will say that the addition piece hasn't gotten much easier. I struggle with ways to cope when I'm feeling anxious, sad, depressed, excited... I think you get the point. I have found that I fill the food void by doing things that I probably shouldn't, like shopping and buying useless things. I'd love to say that I've replaced the void with exercise or meditation but I'm just going to be honest here- I haven't. I am struggling to find that one thing to take on that gives me a little bit of relief. I just completed the first 3 chapters of my dissertation and I thought that writing would be therapeutic for me, but instead that has proved to be a huge stressor that makes me want to eat more. I really want to hear from you all...what do you do to fill your "void" or "emptiness". For me, it used to be food but as I look for other things to quiet me down I find that they aren't always the best choices, for example- wine. Now, I did read an article that says a glass of red wine a day is like exercising, but I'm thinking the jury is still out on that one.

Mistakes, I've made a few

Well folks, I haven't written in a while but my silence doesn't mean failure. I'm 45 pounds down now and I'm feeling really good. I have made some mistakes and had some slip ups along this journey but I need to keep reminding myself that this is a lifestyle, not another quick fix. I'm keeping diligent about weighing in at weight watchers but I am no longer counting points. I have been following a higher protein, no sugar (except stevia and some fruit), low carb diet and most of my cravings are now gone. I have had a few occasions where I really couldn't resist, so I did have a few beers or a couple bites of ice cream cake. I have been able to stop myself though, which is a huge step for me. I am a compulsive over eater, humbly I must always remind myself of this fact in order to be honest with myself. I want to thank those of you who have reached out to me with your own stories of food struggles, it keeps me motivated and humbled.
I was at Germanfest this weekend, the beer was flowing and the brats were calling my name. I didn't deprive myself, ate the brat and sauerkraut, no bun. I did have one...ok more than one beer and I didn't feel sick the next day from overdoing it. My Mom took me to go buy a new Dirndl, because all the Dirndls I have are quite small from my high school days. I was actually really excited, because I love wearing ethnic clothing and it's always been a big part of my life. However, I stepped into the store and the owner looked at me and quickly told me that she "didn't have any dirndl's in my size". I was mortified, but my Mom bought me a Dirndl anyway and it fit. It was the largest one she had in the store and it was tight but dammit I wore it the next day and I felt like a million bucks. It wasn't a good experience I would ever want to relive again, but I will say that I'm not letting her steal my moment. I felt beautiful. I am reminded consistently that there is much ignorance out there over body shaming and we have so much work to do. I felt disappointed in myself that I was at a loss for words with her, I should have said something so that didn't happen to anyone again. I will however, never shop in that store again.