It's different this time. Sure, I've been to weight watchers before and actually every other diet program but there is one thing different about this time; I don't have to lose the weight for anyone or anything in particular. I lost 170 pounds before my wedding, lets be honest- doing all sorts of crazy things and I had the motivation to do it. Since having kids, I've lost that drive to fit into a certain size pants, eat well and frankly I could come up with five pages of excuses of why I let the weight pile back on but that's not the purpose of this. I went back to weight watchers yesterday with the help of friends and family and of course the fact that I haven't been fitting in my usual "fat" clothes lately. I was at the Doctor's office yesterday and my Doctor reminded me that I'm fat and every time I come to his office I'm a little fatter. Well, he is blunt and I like it- because it's true.
This morning I found myself chopping veggies, heating up steel cut oats and carefully considering my kids leftover french toast and thought long and hard about whether I would pop those into my mouth of not- because no one would notice. For you see, I struggle with, have always struggled with and will always continue to struggle with food addiction. It isn't pretty- one never knows which Nicole will show up to the party. Will it be fat Nicole, healthy Nicole, thin Nicole- (usually it's fat Nicole) and I love my friends and family for always being tactful and supporting me. BUT this time is different, because I am almost back to the weight of my heaviest. I have some stressors, school, work, two little ones, an internship as well as the sadness that is overwhelming to me from losing both my sweet grandparents in 2014 but there is absolutely no excuse for what I let myself do to my body. Did I mention I have to go on an airplane next month and I am flipping out just thinking if the seat belt will need an extender? I have a food addiction. When I don't remember that, I let it get the best of me and it overcomes me. I can't allow it to this time, because I have little kids that want and need me around and frankly I've become embarrassed by my latest weight gain and I'm out of control. This morning after eating my breakfast, I made some coffee and put lentil soup in the crockpot and stored away some chopped veggies in the fridge. I used to lose steam once I "messed" up just once, but if I think about it in a way, it's supposed to be about progress- not perfection.
Take one day at a time. I fully support you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jonathan, I really appreciate your support. It means a lot.
DeleteSo very true, I wish you the best of luck Nicole! As one who walked in those shoes and regrets not being in better shape while raising my daughters, I understand everything that you are saying. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you on your journey!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Eileen. Are you still doing WW at LUC?
DeleteHi! Wow I am so happy for you. I too have gained and lost up to 100 pounds multiple times. I am also currently in a food program and its been the longest I have ever gone with out binging or more than a 10 pound fluctuation! I would love to catch up and share experiences...congratulations and thanks for being brave and telling your truth!
ReplyDeleteThank you, you inspire me- Katie.
DeleteGood for you, Nicole! I've been there too - having lost 75 pounds to turn around and find about 60 of them again. Now on my way back down the scale, I know how hard it can be and how much YOU have to want it for YOU. You'll learn a way to live in a sustainable healthy way. First, thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your journey. Second, I love the saying "If you get a flat tire, don't go around slashing the other three." In other words, there will be slip ups and days where you're not 100% on plan, but every day you make an effort, you're making progress. Good luck and kudos to you!
ReplyDeleteOOps - this is Terri Thomas, by the way. :)
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