It's that dreaded, double meaning of a compliment. "You have such a beautiful face". Well folks, I'm here to tell you that although as kind as you might think you are being when you say this, it's something I've heard for a majority of my life and it's awful. The things that run through my head when someone says this to me: So you're saying I don't have a beautiful anything else? Wow, they really pity me. It goes on and on and I know I'm not the only one out there. It's the struggle of anyone who has ever had any body image issues and there are many of us. We don't feel completely confident in ourselves, so comments like that can really set us off. Amirite? I only say this because I received this "compliment" this week and I was caught off guard because I hadn't heard it in years and I didn't know quite how to respond. It did, however make me think of my childhood.
I remember being a wee little 2nd grader and it was time to look for a communion dress. I'm sure little girls plus sizes have come a long way since I was 7 and yet I'm sure it hasn't come far enough. I wanted to look like all the other girls, cute white dress with sparkles and pearls; the white clutch to match and some semi-high heeled shoes, don't forget the crown and vail. Yet, every time I looked at pictures of myself, I saw none of that. I saw the face of a very unhappy girl stuffed into her dress becasue her parents couldn't find one that fit well. This is just one memory I have of what I'll call "the stuffing". One of my girlfriends in grade school who I thank to this very day for being so kind to me had to help me zip my jeans up while I lay down on her bed. She didn't just have to zip friends, she hoisted. I remember in that moment how she didn't put me down, she was very gentle emotionally with me about that incident but I will never forget it. Being a 7th grader and needing someone to help zip your size 14 jeans up? It wasn't pretty. Not everyone was so gentle though. We had a band director that told me I looked like a stuffed sausage in my uniform that same year. How does someone of authority do that to a child? I remember it like it was yesterday and I suppose I did look like a stuffed sausage in that uniform but he didn't have to tell me- I already knew. He also didn't have to say it in front of the rest of my classmates. It was awful and it motivated me to go on a binge diet that very same week. It wasn't a healthy diet, but I was so embarassed that I knew I needed to do something.
Grade schoolers are very impressionable, lets be kind with our overweight children. You never know how your comments will affect them short and long term.
No comments:
Post a Comment