At least I'm not back where I started

Sometimes I get down on myself for letting this get this far, and yet it isn't my lowest point. I remember going to Europe to study at Loyola's Rome Center and feeling excited about being in Europe again, this time with Tom. We visited London, Paris, Munich, Capri and Rome; it was an absolute dream trip and I absolutely hated it- I need a do over. Why you ask? Because I was in pain, could barely walk the cobblestone paths and could not keep up like the rest of our group could. I actually ended up at the ER one of the nights because my ankles were so swollen I had a hard time putting shoes on. Before I left for the trip, I had made an appointment with a bariatric surgeon and strongly considered my options with him. I decided that I would most likely take the route of gastric banding but wouldn't do anything until I got back from the trip. Once I returned back to Chicago, my sweet cousin in Germany sent me this picture:

 

I still to this day do not believe that's me, but guess what? It is. When I saw this picture, I cried and cried. I couldn't believe that is what I looked like to other people, because it certainly wasn't what I saw when I looked in the mirror. You can probably see from the expression on my face that I wasn't happy at all and definitely wasn't feeling well. This was back in 2006 and in August when I returned, I swore I wouldn't look that way again. I worked tirelessly to exercise and eat right, got a personal trainer and decided I would do it without surgery. I was young, determined and full of will power. I keep this picture as a reminder, sometimes when I pull it out I think maybe I should've looked a little sooner- so I wouldn't have put this much weight back on after working so hard to get it off. However, I'm not back where I started, I'm better off than before and this time, I know from experience that I can do it.